On the left: Visit the White House. Visit the Clinton News Network. The POST.   The TIMES. The so-called "scandal" is only about sex and if Hillary doesn't mind, it's nobody's business. This page offends me and I wish to register a complaint with the Management.

What is the world saying about Our President? The Clinton Presidency: Jan. 20, 1993 - Jan. 21, 1998

On the right: Visit the U.S. House of Representatives. Visit the U.S. Senate. The POST.   The TIMES. Read the current "DRUDGE REPORT©." This page amuses me and I wish to personally commend the towering intellect responsible.

Understandably, considering the subject, not a few of the anecdotes below are rather base, or, as an elitist might sigh, in questionable taste. In plain words, however, they are just dirty. So I say tersely, woman and child, avert thy gaze or draw thy steel; for vile, vulgar and very funny frolics ensue. You have been forewarned. New jokes, hopefully every bit as blue, will be added from time to time as found, and placed at the top of the list. Gold text indicates a link. Enjoy. White House Sex Scandal Cartoons! (By all the top editorial cartoonists, updated daily.)     An aide approaches Clinton who is sitting at his desk in the Oval Office. "Sir," he says, "What are we going to do about this abortion bill?"     "Go ahead and pay it," says Clinton.     Rumor has it that Hillary has been traveling under a new alias of late: "Sharon Peters."     Bill's definition of safe sex: When Hillary's out of town.     Q: What does Bill say to Hillary after having sex?     A: "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."     Bill and Hillary are at a baseball game. After the National Anthem, Bill heaves Hillary out onto the field. The umpire says, "No, you're supposed to throw out the first PITCH." Oval Office Live-Cam! Top of page     Q: What is the difference between Monica and the Panama Canal?     A: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.     Q: Who were Monica's two best friends while she was at the White House?     A: Neil and Bob     Q: Why was Bill kicked out of the Cub Scouts as a boy?     A: He was caught eating Brownies.     Q: What do you call Monica Lewinsky with a runny nose?     A: Full. This joke was lifted from an Australian website, "Bleyzie's":     The Pope and President Clinton died on the same day, but due to an administrative foul-up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope was sent to hell.     The Pope explained the situation to the Devil, he checked out all of the paperwork, and the error was acknowledged. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error.     The next day, the Pope was called in and the Devil said his good-byes and off he went to heaven. On his way up, he met Clinton who was on his way down, and they stopped to chat.     Pope: Sorry about the mix up.     President Clinton: No problem.     Pope: Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven.     President Clinton: Why's that?     Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.     President Clinton: You're a day late. Top of page Hillarie Antoinette Milhous Rodham Clinton, a.k.a. "Bruno"     Bill Clinton steps off of Air Force One carrying a small dog. One of his Secret Service men says, "Sir! Nice dog, sir."     Bill says, "Thanks. I got it for Hillary."     The Secret Service man says, "Sir! Nice trade, sir!"     Q: What's the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton?     A: Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Clinton can't tell the difference.     Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must Die" written in urine across the snow.     The President is indignant. He storms into his security staff's office and yells, "Somebody wrote a death threat in the snow on the damn front lawn! And they wrote it in urine! Son-of-a-bitch had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!"     The security guys stare ashamedly at the floor in silence.     Bill hollers, "Well dammit, don't just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!" The entire staff immediately jump up and race for the exits.     Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says, "Well, Mr. President, we have some bad news, and we have some really bad news. Which do you want first?"     Clinton says, "Oh hell, give me the bad news first."     The officer says, "Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Al Gore's urine."     Clinton says, "Oh my god, I feel so... so... betrayed! My own vice president! Damn! ...well, what's the really bad news?"     The officer replies, "It's Hillary's handwriting." Forget hanging on to your wallet under HillaryCare... Top of page     It's said that Bill Clinton is considering changing the Democratic Party emblem from a donkey to a condom, because it stands for inflation, protects a bunch of pricks, halts production, and gives false sense of security while being screwed.     Bill Clinton visited an elementary school to talk to a group of 3rd graders.     He said to them, "Today we are going to discuss the difference between a tragedy, a great loss and an accident. Can anyone give me an example of a tragedy?"     A little boy raises his hand and says, "If a kid runs out in the street after a ball and gets hit by a car."     Clinton says, "No, that would be an accident. Can anyone else try?"     A little girl raises her hand and says, "If a busload of kids drove off a cliff."     Clinton says, "No, that would be a great loss. Come on, anyone else?"     A boy raises his hand and says and says, "If you and Mrs. Clinton was on a plane and it blew up."     Clinton says, "Well, yes, but can you tell me why it would be considered a tragedy?"     The little boy says, "Well, it wouldn't have been an accident, and it sure as heck wouldn't have been a great loss."     Two new young interns are hired in the White House. They are walking down the hall when President Clinton sees them. President Clinton walks up and says "Gee, I've never come across your faces before!"     Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician?     A: Chelsea Clinton.     Bill Clinton and Chelsea are walking along a beach in California. Summoning up all the courage a father can, he asks, "Chelsea, how is college going, socially? Do you have any, uh, boyfriends, and are you being, uh, nice?"     Chelsea thinks for a second, then replies "Well, Dad, if you're asking me, 'Am I having sex?' the answer is no - not as YOU define it." Top of page "I feel your pain."     The White House scandal wasn’t really Bill's fault, it was just something he got sucked into.     Q: Why does Monica refuse to play golf with Bill?     A: Because she's tired of his balls hitting her in the face.     Q: What's the worst thing Bill ever heard during sex?     A: "Honey, I'm home!!"     The difference between Bill and his dog Buddy is that Buddy chases his own tail.     Bill says that Monica was at the White House to visit his personal secretary. Hey, if that's what he wants to call it... ! "Saint Hillary" New York Times Magazine, May 23, 1993. Top of page     Q: What does Hillary do after shaving her pussy?     A: Dresses him up and sends him to work.     Q: What is the difference between Clinton and the Titanic?     A: Only 200 women went down on the Titanic.     Q: Did Monica like her job at the White House?     A: The work was OK, but the benefits sucked.     Q: If the job was so boring, why didn't she quit?     A: She didn't want to blow another opportunity.     Q: Why does Clinton wear Boxers?     A: To keep his ankles warm. "Mine will be the most ethical administration in the history of the republic!" President-Elect Bill Clinton, November 1992.     From a recent survey of over 500 women, when asked if they would make love to the president, 83 percent of them responded, "Never again!"     Army Sgt. Major McKinney, a married man alleged to be a sexual predator who would demand sex and later plead with the women to cover up his conduct, faces 19 charges including obstruction of justice, assaulting an officer, indecent assault, maltreatment of a subordinate and adultery. If convicted he faces loss of rank and 55 years in prison.     The most serious charge facing McKinney, however, is impersonating the Commander-in-Chief. March 13, 1998 Military jury declared McKinney not guilty on 18 charges, guilty on obstruction of justice. Top of page We here interrupt our programme with the following very important bulletin which is, regrettably, quite bloodlessly dreary. Click here to skip ahead to many more very amusing jests, and please excuse the bother, thank you so much, all. The Management "Appearance of Impropriety" Dept. Theme: "I was an FOB, and all I got was trouble!" * Monica Lewinski ** Hillary Rodham Clinton *** Vincent Foster (suicide) **** Paula Corbin Jones ***** Gennifer Flowers The above graphic has not been approved by the Dairy Council. Not pictured: Neil Ainley (guilty plea), Roger Altman (resigned under cloud), Arapaho/Cheyenne Indians (5th plea), Les Aspin (resigned in disgust), Bruce Babbitt (under IC investigation), Zoe Baird (nomination failed), Robert Bennett (co-defendant in sexual harassment suit), Ronald H. Blackley (convicted - Espy), Herby Branscum (mistrial), Michael A. Brown (convicted), Michael's dad Ron Brown (died under investigation), Jorge Cabrera (convicted), Pierre Chambrin (WH chef, fired & bribed $37k to keep quiet), Gin F. J. Chen (5th plea), Ming Chen (fled country), Yi Chu (5th plea - granted immunity), Yue Chu (5th plea - granted immunity), Johnny Chung (guilty plea), Henry Cisneros (indicted), Arthur Coia (under investigation), Gilbert Colon (5th plea), Bettie Currie (subpoenaed), Billy Dale (persecuted by Clintons, acquitted), Michael deVegter (indicted), Richard Douglas (guilty plea - Espy), Joycelyn Elders (idiot), Mike Espy (indicted), Eugene Fitzhugh (guilty plea), Dr. Henry Foster Jr. (nomination failed), Manlin Foung (5th plea - granted immunity), Yogesh Ghandi (5th plea), Lani Guinier (nomination failed), David Hale (guilty plea), John Haley (indicted-fraud), Jean Hanson (resigned under cloud), Alexis Herman (under investigation), Philip B. Heymann (resigned in disgust), Nolanda S. Hill (indicted - singing), Robert Hill (mistrial), Man Ho (5th plea - granted immunity), Maria Hsia (indicted), Jie Su Hsiao (5th plea), Judy Hsu (5th plea), Jen Chin Hsueh (5th plea), Hueutsan Huang (5th plea - granted immunity), Jane Huang (5th plea), John Huang (5th plea), Zie Pan Huang (5th plea - granted immunity), Webster Hubbell (convicted), Steven Hwang (5th plea), Woody Hwang (5th plea), Harold Ickes (under IC investigation), Bobby Ray Inman (nomination failed), Charles Intriago (5th plea), Bin Yueh Jeng (5th plea), Mark Jimenez (5th plea), Linda Jones (guilty plea - Cisneros), M. Samuel Jones III (bimbo patrol), Vernon Jordan (subpoenaed), Pauline Kanchanalak (fled country), Duangnet Kronenberg (5th plea), Larry Kuca (guilty plea), Joseph Landon (5th plea - granted immunity), Nathan Landow (under IC investigation), Dan Lasater (convicted), Kent Law (granted immunity), John H.K. Lee (fled country), Na-chi "Nancy" Lee (5th plea - granted immunity), Marcia Lewis (subpoenaed), Siuw Moi Lian (5th plea - granted immunity), Hsiu Chu Lin (5th plea), Mike Lin (5th plea), Bruce Lindsey (unindicted co-conspirator), Craig Livingstone (resigned under cloud), Nora and Gene Lum (guilty pleas), daughter Trisha Lum (guilty plea), Felix Ma (fled country), Maria Mapili (5th plea), William Marks (guilty plea), Charles Matthews (guilty plea), Terence McAuliffe (guilty plea), James McDougal (convicted, died in prison), Susan McDougal (convicted), Mark Middleton (5th plea), Dick Morris (resigned under cloud), Jere Nash (guilty plea - Teamsters), Tom Nastos (under investigation), Bernard Nussbaum (under IC investigation), Hazel O'Leary (junket queen), Seow Fong Ooi (5th plea), Robert Palmer (guilty plea), Antonio Pan (fled country), Larry Patterson (co-defendant), Federico Pena, Roger Perry, (No "Q" yet), Charles Ruff (under investigation), Archie Schaffer (indicted - Tyson), Agus Setiawan (fled country), Jou Sheng (5th plea), Hsin Chen Shih (5th plea), Man Ya Shih (5th plea - granted immunity), Ted Sieong (fled country), Smith Barney Inc. ($1M civil fine - Espy), Stephen Smith (guilty plea), Joshua Steiner (lied to diary), Jane Dewi Tahir (5th plea), Roger Tamraz (fugitive - Lebanese embezzlement), Subandi Tanuwidjaja (fled country), Dewi Tirto (fled country), Susan Thomases (under IC investigation), Charlie Trie (indicted), Linda Tripp, Hsiu Luan Tseng (5th plea), Jim Guy Tucker (convicted), Tyson Foods Inc. (guilty plea - Espy), (No "U" or "V" yet), Chris Wade (guilty plea), Chi Rung Wang (5th plea), David Wang (5th plea - granted immunity), Seth Ward (under IC investigation), David Watson (fired), Clifton Wharton (resigned in disgust), Jack L. Williams (convicted - Tyson), Maggie Williams (under IC investigation), Arief Wiriandinata (fled country), Soraya Wiriadinata (fled country), Larry Wong (5th plea - granted immunity), Michael Woo (under investigation), Kimba Wood (nomination failed), Irene Wu (5th plea - granted immunity), Shu Jen Wu (5th plea - granted immunity), Eric Wynn (convicted), (No "X," yet), Yumei Yang (5th plea), Keshi Zhan (5th plea - granted immunity); ALL 93 career U.S. Attorneys (fired by Janet Reno March 23, 1993); mysterious Arkansas casualties: Kathy Ferguson (ex-wife of Clinton bodyguard, suicide), Stanley Huggins (Madison Guaranty investigator, found dead), Kevin Ives and Don Henry (two teens killed on the tracks after alledgedly witnessing a drug drop), Gary Johnson (badly beaten in break-in theft of his videotapes of Clinton calling on Gennifer Flowers), Jerry Parks (chief of security Clinton 1992 presidential campaign, unsolved murder), Dennis Patrick (discovered millions of dollars laundered through his account at Dan Lasater's firm, survived three murder attempts), Bill Shelton (policeman and Ferguson's boyfriend, suicide), Jon Walker (Madison Guaranty investigator, killed in fall from top of a building); and finally, miscellaneous bimbi: Julia Broaddrick (campaign worker), Dolly Kyle Browning (high school classmate), Beth Gladden Coulson (Ark. Court of Appeals judge), Sherrie Densuk (WH intern/nutcase), Robyn Dickey ("White House Director of Special Projects and Special Needs" I Kid You Not), Elizabeth Ward Gracen (Miss America - fled country), Connie Hamzy (yes, THAT "sweet, sweet Connie" of Grand Funk fame), Marilyn Jo Jenkins (Ark. friend), Shelia Lawrence (Arlingtongate widow), Sally Perdue (Miss Arkansas), Debra Schiff (campaign plane stewardess hired at White House), Shelia Swatzyna (campaign plane stewardess), Kathleen Willey (White House volunteer), Cristy Zercher (campaign plane stewardess), et. al. Ongoing Clinton investigations: WHITEWATER ($300k loan fraud, Billing records mystery, Castle Grande); TRAVELGATE; FBI FILEGATE; ASIAN CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTIONS; PAULA JONES; TEAMSTER ELECTION/CAMPAIGN FRAUD; ARLINGTON CEMETERY SCANDAL GET OUT OF JAIL FREE: Clinton Pardons List from The Associated Press, Saturday, Jan. 20, 2001; 1:52 p.m. EST A list of the people pardoned or commuted Saturday before President Clinton left office, as released by the White House: COMMUTATIONS: Benjamin Berger, Ronald Henderson Blackley, Bert Wayne Bolan, Gloria Libia Camargo, Charles F. Campbell, David Ronald Chandler, Lau Ching Chin, Donald R. Clark, Loreta De-Ann Coffman, Derrick Curry, Velinda Desalus, Jacob Elbaum, Linda Sue Evans, Loretta Sharon Fish, Antoinette M. Frink, David Goldstein, Gerard A. Greenfield, Jodie E. Israel, Kimberly Johnson, Billy Thornton Langston Jr., Belinda Lynn Lumpkin, Peter MacDonald, Kellie Ann Mann, Peter Ninemire, Hugh Ricardo Padmore, Arnold Paul Prosperi, Melvin J. Reynolds, Pedro Miguel Riveiro, Dorothy Rivers, Susan Rosenberg, Kalmen Stern, Cory Stringfellow, Carlo Anibal Vignali Jr., Thomas Wilson Waddell III, Harvey Weinig, Kim Allen Willis. PARDONS: Verla Jean Allen, Nicholas M. Altiere, Bernice Ruth Altschul, Joe Anderson Jr., William Sterling Anderson, Mansour Azizkhani, Cleveland Victor Babin Jr., Chris Harmon Bagley, Scott Lynn Bane, Thomas Cleveland Barber, Peggy Ann Bargon, David Roscoe Blampied, William Arthur Borders Jr., Arthur David Borel, Douglas Chrles Borel, George Thomas Brabham, Almon Glenn Braswell, Leonard Browder, David Steven Brown, Delores Caroylene Burleson, aka Delores Cox Burleson, John H. Bustamante, Mary Louise Campbell, Eloida Candelaria, Dennis Sobrevinas Capili, Donna Denise Chambers, Douglas Eugene Chapman, Ronald Keith Chapman, Francisco Larois Chavez, Henry G. Cisneros, Roger Clinton, Stuart Harris Cohn, David Marc Cooper, Ernest Harley Cox Jr., John F. Cross Jr., Reickey Lee Cunningham, Richard Anthony De Labio, John Deutch, Richard Douglas, Edward Reynolds Downe, Marvin Dean Dudley, Larry Lee Duncan, Robert Clinton Fain, Marcos Arcenio Fernandez, Alvarez Ferrouillet, William Dennis Fugazy, Lloyd Reid George, Louis Goldstein, Rubye Lee Gordon, Pincus Green, Robert Ivey Hamner, Samuel Price Handley, Woodie Randolph Handley, Jay Houston Harmon, John Hummingson, David S. Herdlinger, Debi Rae Huckleberry, Donald Ray James, Stanley Pruet Jobe, Ruben H. Johnson, Linda Jones, James Howard Lake, June Louise Lewis, Salim Bonnor Lewis, John Leighton Lodwick, Hildebrando Lopez, Jose Julio Luaces, James Timothy Maness, James Lowell Manning, John Robert Martin, Frank Ayala Martinez, Silvia Leticia Beltran Martinez, John Francis McCormick, Susan H. McDougal, Howard Lawrence Mechanic, Brook K. Mitchell Sr., Samuel Loring Morison, Charles Wilfred Morgan III, Richard Anthony Nazzaro, Charlene Ann Nosenko, Vernon Raymond Obermeier, Miguelina Ogalde, David C. Owen, Robert W. Palmer, Kelli Anne Perhosky, Richard H. Pezzopane, Orville Rex Phillips, Vinson Stewart Poling Jr., Norman Lyle Prouse, Willie H.H. Pruitt Jr., Danny Martin Pursley Sr., Charles D. Ravenel, William Clyde Ray, Alfredo Luna Regalado, Ildefonso Reynes Ricafort, Marc Rich, Howard Winfield Riddle, Richard Wilson Riley Jr., Samuel Lee Robbins, Joel Gonzales Rodriguez, Michael James Rogers, Anna Louise Ross, Gerald Glen Rust, Jerri Ann Rust, Bettye June Rutherford, Gregory Lee Sands, Adolph Schwimmer, Albert A. Seretti Jr., Patricia Campbell Hearst Shaw, Dennis Joseph Smith, Gerald Owen Smith, Stephen A. Smith, Jimmie Lee Speake, Charles Bernard Stewart, Marlena Francisca Stewart-Rollins, John Fife Symington III, Richard Lee Tannehill, Nicholas C. Tenaglia, Gary Allen Thomas, Larry Weldon Todd, Olga C. Trevino, Ignatious Vamvouklis, Patricia A. Van De Weerd, Christopher V. Wade, Bill Wayne Warmath, Jack Kenneth Watson, Donna Lynn Webb, Donald William Wells, Robert H. Wendt, Jack L. Williams, Kavin Arthur Williams, Robert Michael Williams, Jimmie Lee Wilson, Thelma Louise Wingate, Mitchell Couey Wood, Warren Stannard Wood, Dewey Worthey, Rick Allen Yale, Joseph A. Yasak, William Stanley Yingling, Phillip David Young. In the interest of fairness: It remains a possibility that the President and First Lady are wholly innocent.     It's possible he was an unwitting dupe of an Arkansas political machine in the $300k Small Business Administration fraud.     It's possible they were unwitting dupes of an incompetent staff in the Rose Law billing records obstruction of justice.     It's possible she was an unwitting dupe of shady businessmen in the Castle Grande malfeasance.     It's possible she was an unwitting dupe of shady businessmen in her $99k cattle futures windfall.     It's possible she was an unwitting dupe of shady businessmen in receiving her $100k Apple Computer "consulting fee."     It's possible they were unwitting dupes of overzealous underlings in the White House Travel Office firings.     It's possible they were unwitting dupes of Craig Livingstone and Anthony Marceca in the FBI files felony.     It's possible he was an unwitting dupe of the Peoples' Republic of China and the Democratic National Committee in campaign finance treason.     It's possible he was an unwitting dupe of a vast right-wing conspiracy of women in the Paula Jones (et. al.) scandals.     It's possible the Clintons' and all the above hundreds of folks' problems are just... coincidence. Isn't it? "I am not a crook." Richard M. Nixon, June 17, 1972 "I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything." Bartholomew J. Simpson Visit The Clinton Calendar, 1993-1996. Visit the Clinton Scandal Summary, 1997-present, daily updates. Read "BOY CLINTON The Political Biography" by R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. and "THE SECRET LIFE OF BILL CLINTON the unreported stories"     by Ambrose Evans-Pritchard. Both books published by Regnery Publishing, Inc. Can you say, "Sleaze Factor?" Top of page We now return to our regularly scheduled programme...     Q: Why do they put Bill Clinton's picture on the insides of toilet bowls?     A: So the assholes can see who they voted for.     Q: In Arkansas, what is the new use they found for sheep?     A: Wool.     Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a pickpocket?     A: A pickpocket snatches watches.     Q: Why is it more dangerous than normal to sit next to Bill Clinton while he's smoking?     A: The smoke is still firsthand.     One bright and brisk morning, the president and a couple of Secret Service Agents are out on their morning jog. After 4 miles, Bill turns to one of the agents and says, "When I get home, I’m going to rip Hillary’s panties off!!"     The agent responds, 'Feeling a little frisky today sir?"     Bill replies, "No, it’s just that these things keep riding up on me!" Top of page     Bill Gates, Bill Clinton and a war hero show up at the Pearly Gates.     St. Peter tells Bill Gates, "We tried to use Window's 95. It's off to hell with you."     Having dispatched Mr. Gates, St. Peter turns to Bill Clinton and says, "We'll get back to you in a minute, Fat Boy."     Facing the war hero, St. Peter smiles, "Welcome to Heaven. Now, please tell Clinton where to go." X-RATED, but damned funny! (Yo, Anthony!)     Q. What do Monica Lewinsky and a coke machine have in common?     A. They both have a slot that says, "Insert Bill here, face up."     Q. What is the difference between Clinton and gays?     A. Gays get aids from sex.... Top of page     Q. What was Arafat's advice to Clinton?     A. "Goats can't talk."     Q. How can you tell you've just had sex with Bill Clinton?     A. You've got french fries in your hair, and Vernon Jordan is handing you a job application.     Hillary Clinton spots the Whitewater Special Prosecutor, Kenneth Starr, having a drink at a Washington social function.     The First Lady lashes out, "You are such a mean man. If I were your wife, I'd poison your drink!"     Kenneth Starr smiles. "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it!"     Bill Clinton is sitting next to a 19 year old White House intern one day at a gathering. The president says to her, "Would you like to come to the Oval Office and see my clock?"     She says, "No, Mr. President, I don't think so."     The President replies, "Please. I'd really like to show it to you."     "No, Mr. President, I really can't."     "Come on. Come and see my clock. It'll only take a minute."     "All right. If it won't take long."     They go to the Oval Office. The president sits down, unzips his pants, and pulls out his dick.     The intern says, "That's not a clock, it's a cock."     To which the president says, "When you put two hands and a face on it, it's a clock."     Clinton is out jogging around in some of the seedier areas of Washington D.C. He notices a good looking prostitute, who sees this and calls out, "Fifty dollars!" He's tempted, but the price is a little high so he calls back, "Five!" She turns away disgusted and and Bill continues his jog.     A few days later, he finds himself jogging in the same area and as luck would have it, the prostitute is still there. But she won't come down on her price. "Fifty!" she shouts and Bill answers her, "Five!" No sale.     About a week later, Hillary has decided that she wants to get into shape, and she demands to go jogging with Bill. They get to the seedy part of town and the same prostitute is still there. She eyes Bill and Hillary together and yells, "See what you get for five dollars?" Top of page     Hillary is being driven around Washington D.C. and spots a little boy sitting in a park with a wagon. She thinks, "this is a great press opportunity," so she has her driver pull over.     She gets out to talk to the little boy, and discovers that he has 6 newborn puppies in the wagon. She comments on how nice they are, and the little boy says, "thank you ma'am, they're Democrats!" Of course, Hillary is extremely pleased by this.     A few days later, Bill decides to take one of his jogs down to McDonald's, which is close to the park, and Hillary mentions that if he should see a little boy with a wagon he should stop and talk to him.     Well, Bill sees the little boy with his wagon and puppies, so he tells the little boy what nice puppies they are. The boy says, "Thank you sir. They're Republicans!"     "Wait a minute," says Bill, "Hillary told me you said they were Democrats a few days ago."     The boy responds, "Yes sir, but now their eyes are open."     Rush Limbaugh and Hillary Clinton are alone on an elevator. Hillary grabs the STOP button and pulls it out, stranding the pair between floors. She strips off her clothes, throws them to the floor and says, "Rush, make me feel like a woman!"     Rush strips off HIS clothes and throws them to the floor, too. Then he points to them and commands, "Fold those."     Bill is getting ready to go to Camp David, and Hillary starts bitching about Bill never taking her there. Clinton agrees to, if Hillary gives him head. She agrees and drops to her knees.     Suddenly she looks up and says, "Bill, your dick tastes like shit!"     To which Bill replies, "Yeah, I know. Al Gore wanted to go, too."     The Clintons and the Gores were very stressed out and decided to rest at Camp David. After supper, when they were all sitting around the fire, Hillary suggested that they switch partners for the night. The others were very reluctant, but Hillary talked them into it.     The next morning Hillary was at the table, reading the newspaper, when Bill came down. Bill got a glass of juice out of the fridge and asked Hill, "How was the night?"     She said it was the best night she had ever had, and that she had 20 orgasms. Bill's face fell. After relating every sordid detail of the night to Bill, she finally returned the question.     "So tell me," she asked in an off-hand way, turning a page. "How was your night with Al?"

The above jokes are all in the public domain to the best of my knowledge.

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