"Unconditional Positive Regard" - John 4:7-26 - March 7, 1999

In the school of counseling there is a concept called "unconditional positive regard." It was a contribution by one of the leaders of the therapeutic movement, Carl Rogers. Rogers believed that in order to help a client effectively they first have to be totally accepted. When a client feels accepted for who they are without any labels or conditions, a relationship is established between the counselor and client which fosters trust and creates an environment that enables the client to grow.

It is a refreshing experience to be accepted when others reject you. It is nourishing to be needed when others disregard your abilities. It is fulfilling to be feel worthy and on the same level with someone who cares about you.

This is what the Samaritan woman experienced that day at the well in her encounter with Jesus. He entreated her with "unconditional positive regard." Although she was an outcast, in more ways than one, she was accepted without prejudice. There were no feelings of guilt laid upon her nor were there any labels placed upon her.

What is it that Jesus did for this woman? He gave her unconditional positive regard for which he called, "living water." This woman was not important. She was excluded from society, unable to live freely and in the open. She had no rights and as far as society was concerned, no potential. But while she had no value to anyone else, she was very important to Jesus. He treated her as fully human, one deserving of the grace of God. He never judged her as a sinner.

The woman in the story would not be considered a good role model by our standards. Not only was she part of an inferior people, she did not have a good track record in the relationship department. In spite of her character flaws she becomes one of Jesus’ leading evangelists. She becomes a popular witness to the faith and because of her efforts the number of people who believe in Jesus grows. In addition, she becomes one of the first people to whom Jesus reveals his true identity.

In other words, this woman for which society has no use, becomes a primary nurturer of the faith. That is made possible because she was treated with unconditional positive regard. The "living water" that she received was a sense of worth, a rinsing of unclean feelings, a flood of recognition and acceptance.

It is no accident that Jesus went into the land of Samaria. He was making a statement to his followers. His mission of love is not limited to any one race, religion or nationality. His "living water" was for everyone. He demonstrated that people do have value who live on the other side of the tracks and that when it comes to the kingdom of God there are no boundaries. And with this encounter he showed that there should be no gender gap as well. To further demonstrate the inclusiveness of grace Jesus refers to God as "Spirit and truth," a universal and generic description of God. God transcends our realities and our local identities. To separate a person for any reason and not extend unconditional positive regard is to deny the "living water" of God.

Recently my wife and I had the opportunity to be aboard a cruise ship in the Caribbean. One of the things that impressed me was the fact that the crew of the ship were from 52 different countries. Even the ship’s officers were from all seven continents, some from third world countries. They all got along well in spite of living in tight quarters and working in an environment that required 100 percent service 24 hours a day. Imagine what the United Nations could accomplish if they could all get along.

Our waiter was from Nicaragua, our busboy was from Croatia. Our room steward was from Grenada. We got to know them personally. They all had families or girlfriends back home. As the days passed they would share more and more about their lives, including their dreams. I also talked with one of the dancers who was from Australia and the maitre d’ from India. All the people at our table were from Canada. And for 7 days we sailed the ocean waters together. We were all in the same boat.

When we live our lives as if we are all in the same boat and everyone human has value we too will experience the "living water’ that the Samaritan woman experienced that day at the well. When we are sensitive to the pain and emptiness of others we will experience the kingdom of God at the present moment. For it is in the "now" that we live, not the past. All of our old realities, where we were raised, what families we come from, our hometowns, the organizations and groups we belong to, serve only to separate us from one another rather than bring us together.

The church cannot grow as long as we expect everyone to be just like us. Where a person is from or who they are related to gets in the way of giving someone a drink of water. A church cannot grow until it is willing to cross the boundaries that we superimpose on others. Where a person works, or lives, or what their faith background can be like a dam which holds back the flow of water. The only way God’s living water can flow is to keep it free of debris and clutter.

I believe that most everyone is searching for the "living water" of God. People are lost, lonely, depressed or bored. Many lack fulfillment and wholeness. Why? Because they are drinking from the same old source. The water they drink is stagnate and impure. It may fill them up for a brief moment or quench their first but it is only temporary.

The woman at the well was not there by accident. Normally, women came early in the morning or in the evening. It would have been against the norm for a woman, especially this Samaritan woman, to appear in public in the middle of the day. She was in pain and therefore seeking refreshment. She received that from Jesus.

Why can’t we taste the same refreshing water? First, we don’t take risks. We run in the same circles, drink from the same fountains, failing to drink from new and alternative sources. Second, we build dikes and dams rather than bridges. We are reluctant to reach out to strangers across the shore. Third, we resist change. We don’t want to rock the boat. It is much safer to live on an island.

Last week we spent part of a day in Grand Cayman. It is a beautiful island in the Caribbean. It is a British settlement and the standard of living is very high. Tourism contributes greatly to their economy. Ironically, the islanders have resisted building a pier for the hundreds of cruise ships that visit them almost every day. They are one of the wealthiest islands yet they cannot find the resources to build a seaport. You have to be ferried in from the ships to visit Grand Cayman.

In other words, they are open to visitors but the invitation is conditional. You are welcome and invited to spend your money. But, access to the island is limited. The Samaritan women did not have limited access to the "living water" of God. Jesus did not show love with strings attached. He gave her unconditional positive regard, total acceptance for her as a human being, affirming her worth and very being.

None of us can grow personally when we live in isolation. We cannot appreciate the full value of another human being by limiting ourselves to a particular race or nationality. The more we are willing to meet people at the well, the more we will experience the "living water" of God. The more we practice the art of "unconditional positive regard", the more we will experience God’s kingdom in the present.

Dr. Keith Wagner, St. Paul’s United Church of Christ, Sidney, Ohio