v.1
A lady that I know just came from Colombia
She smiled because I did not understand
Then she held out some marijuana, uh-huh
She said it was the best in all the land

Chorus:
And I said no no no no, I don't smoke [sniff/drink] it no more
I'm tired of waking up on the floor
No thank you, please, it only makes me sneeze
Then it makes it hard to find the door

v.2
A woman that I know just came from Mallorca, Spain
She smiled because I did not understand
Then she held out a 10-pound bag of cocain
She said it was the finest in the land

Rpt. Ch.

v.3
A man I know just came from Nashville, Tennesee-o
He smiled because I did not understand
Then he held out some moonshine whiskey, oh-ho
He said it was the best in all the land
An' he wasn't jokin!

Rpt. Ch.
Well, I said no no no no, I can't take it no more
I'm tired of waking up on the floor
No thank you, please, it only makes me sneeze
Then it makes it hard to find the door