v.1
I was takin' a trip out to L.A., toolin' along in my Chevrolet
Tokin' on a number an' diggin on the radio
Just as I crossed the Mississippi line, I heard that highway start to whine
An I knew that left rear tire was about to go

Well the spare was flat an I got uptight cause there wasn't a fillin' station in sight
So I just limped on down the shoulder on the rim
I went as far as I could an when I stopped the car it was right in front of this little bar
Kind of a redneck-lookin joint called the Dewdrop Inn

v.2
Well I stuffed my hair up under my hat an' told the bartender I had a flat
An would he be kind enough to give me change for a one
There was one thing I was sure proud to see there wasn't a soul in the place 'cept for him an' me
An' he just looked disgusted an' pointed toward the telephone

I called up a station down the road a ways, he said he wasn't very busy today
He could have somebody there in just about ten minutes or so
He said "Now, you just stay right where you're at!" an I didn't bother to tell the durn fool
That I sure as hell didn't have any place else to go

v.3
I'd just ordered up a beer an' set down at the bar when some guy walked in said "Who owns this car"
"With the peace sign, mag wheels an four-on-the-floor?"
Well he looked at me an' I damn' near died an I decided that I'd just wait outside
So I laid a dollar on the bar an' headed for the door

Just when I thought I'd get outta there with my skin these five big dudes come strollin' in
With this one ol' drunk chick an' some fella with green teeth
I was almost to the door when the biggest one said "You tip your hat to this lady, son"
An when I did all that hair fell out from underneath

v.4
Now the last thing I wanted was to get in a fight in Jackson Mississippi on a Saturday night
Especially when there was three of them an only one of me
They all started laughin' an I felt kinda sick an I knew I had to think of somethin' pretty quick
So I reached out an kicked ol green-teeth right in the knee

Well, he let out a yell that would curl your hair but before he could move I grabbed me a chair
An said "Watch 'im folks cause he's a thoroughly dangerous man"
"Well you may not know it but this man's a spy" - he's a undercover agent for the FBI"
"An' he's been sent down here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan"

v.5
He was still bent over holdin' onto his knee but ever'body else was lookin' an' listenin' to me
An I laid it on thicker an' heavier as I went
"I said "Would you believe this man has gone as far as tearin' Wallace stickers off the bumpers of cars?"
"An he voted for George McGovern for president

"He's a friend o' them long-hair hippie-type pinko fags an I betcha he's even got a commie flag"
"Tacked up on the wall inside of his garage"
"He's a snake in the grass, I tell ya guys he may look dumb but that's just a disguise"
"He's a mastermind in the ways of espionage"

v.6
They all started lookin' real suspicious at him an' he jumped up an said "Now wait a minnit Jim!"
"You know he's lyin' I been livin' here all my life!"
"I'm a faithful follower of Brother John Birch an I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church"
"An I ain't even got a garage -- you can call home an ask my wife!"

Then he started sayin' somethin' 'bout the way I was dressed but I didn't wait around to hear the rest
I was too busy movin' an' hopin I didn't run outta luck
When I hit the ground I was makin' tracks an they was just takin my car down off the jacks
So I threw the man a twenty an jumped in an' fired that mother up

v.7
Mario Andretti would'a sure been proud of the way I was movin when I passed that crowd
Comin' out the door an headed toward me at a trot
I guess I knew I shoulda gone ahead an' run but somehow I just couldn't resist the fun
Of chasin' them all just once 'round the parkin' lot

Well they headed for their car but I hit the gas spun around an headed 'em off at the pass
I was slingin' gravel an' puttin' a ton o' dust in the air
Well I had 'em all out there steppin' an' fetchin' like their heads are on fire an' their asses are catchin'
But I figured I better go ahead an' split before the cops got there

v.5
When I hit the road I was really wheelin' had gravel flyin' and rubber squealin'
An I didn't slow down til I was almost to Arkansas
Well I think I'm gonna re-route my trip I wonder if anybody'd think I'd flipped
If I went to LA... via Omaha!