California Road Trip!

Is there anything more fun than the road trip? A bunch of friends piling into a car for a long, long, trip. Well, this little section is dedicated to the first of a couple of my most memorable road trips.

Part 1.

The California trip:

It was December 1995. It all came about so fast and so comical. Saigon Kick (They were an incredible band, if you’re not aware who they are, you should really find out.) had just released their CD `Devil In The Details`, and were on the road supporting it. Jamie and John went up to Cleveland to see one of the shows. They came back with a awesome review of the show they saw, and informed us that the band was going to be playing at the Al Rosa Villa in Columbus. I didn’t miss out this time. We went to Columbus, arrived at the venue, and saw a kick ass show! Those guys ROCKED in concert. If you never seen them, you truly missed out. After the show, we were hanging out behind the bar to meet the band. We were talking to Pete and Phil and Jamie told them, he’d just seen them a couple days earlier in Cleveland. Jokingly they replied; "Are you just going to follow us on the rest of the tour?" We all laughed about it, but little did we know that little jest created a spark that was fanned into a inferno. We kind of kicked the idea around jokingly for a couple days, but I didn’t take it very seriously. I mean, how could I have? Drop everything on a moments notice, pick up, and head out following Saigon Kick on tour? Not to mention I couldn’t afford it. Plus, Monkey Stomp’s first bar gig was coming up fast. Mom and dad asked if I really wanted to go, and I told them, yeah, but there was just no way I could. Well, they said since I really wanted to go, and since Christmas was coming up, they’d pay for the trip as my present. How cool is that? I was in! So, Jamie, John, and I were onboard but we needed a fourth. We unmercifully started badgering Matt to come along. At first he didn’t seem like he wanted to go. He kept saying; "I don’t know if I can go." Or "I don’t think I’m going to make it." Our departure date was sneaking up fast, so we were going to have to find someone else. Until, our next practice when Matthew informed us he was going. We had our fourth!

A couple days later, we threw our luggage into the trunk, and piled into John’s car, and headed west. It was great! The four of us heading down the highway, the stereo cranked up, and living on nothing but convenient store snacks, fast food, and an endless supply of soft drinks! I also noticed something about Kansas. They have two cities on either side of the state, and in between them IS NOTHING!! Miles and miles of nothing. We stopped at a gas station and I saw a t-shirt for sale with a picture of a telephone pole on it, and at the bottom of the shirt it had a caption that read "THE KANSAS STATE TREE". It was so funny, and so dead on true. I slept through most of Kansas.

The first show we saw after Columbus was in Golden Colorado, a suburb of Denver.

John drove that whole first leg of the trip, from my front door, to Golden. I was amazed! I’d never seen anything like that before, he didn’t seem tired in the least bit. We were driving down the street The Buffalo Rose (the venue we seen SK) was on. As we passed the bar, who do I see in front of the bar? Jason Beiler (Saigon Kicks vocalist/guitarist). We pulled up to a stop light, and we told John to park the car, as Jamie, Matt and I jumped out of the car at the intersection and headed for the bar. We arrived just as Chris McClernon (SK’s bassist) was hanging up the receiver of the pay phone in front of the bar. We reminded him who we were, and he remembered, which was very cool. We told him we were going to follow them out to Cali. He thought that was pretty cool. We then went into the restaurant/bar section of the venue and seen Phil Varone, and we started talking to him. We told him everything we just told Chris, and he remembered us also. This was getting better. He asked us if we had anything else planned while we were on the road. We told him we were debating whether or not to go to the next nights show in Salt Lake City, or head to Vega$. (Vega$ was my idea. I had wanted to go there for YEARS, and I thank the guys for helping make my wish come true. They didn’t have to agree to go, but they did, and I thank them for that.) With out missing a beat, Phil says; "Go to Vega$! If I could I’d go to Vega$ instead of going to Salt Lake, I’d go in a minute." He then told us how much they loved Vega$, but Jason loses too much money there. Well, that decision was pretty much made right there on the spot. We peeked into the room the show was going to happen, and saw guitarist Pete Dembowski eating. We were going to say something to him, but we didn’t want to interrupt his meal. After that, we realized, we had some serious time to kill before the show.

We headed back to John’s car, discussing what we should do in the meantime. When it dawned on us, we were in Golden CO., and what’s made in Golden CO.? Coors beer (and all other Coors products) is made in Golden Colorado! We were going to take a tour of the Coors Brewery. We parked the car, and loaded onto the tram from the parking lot, to the brewery. On the way, the driver asked us, "Where are you guys from?" We told her we were from Ohio. She says, "Oh, Iowa! I hear it’s pretty nice there." We were like, "Uhm, no, Ohio." She was kind of embarrassed, and apologized. We started the tour and the tour guide was cool, and funny. We were walking past the fermentation section and she asked us, "So, where you guys from?" We told her we were from Ohio. And in the blink of an eye, she says; "Iowa huh? I hear it’s pretty nice there." We just stood there, silently looking at each other, trying to figure out if she really just said that or not. The silence was suddenly shattered by the four of us laughing hysterically. She looked very confused, so we let her in on the joke. She then joined us in our laughter. After the tour, they offered everyone free samples in the beer garden. They gave us a choice of either 3, 7oz. glasses or 7, 3oz. glasses. Jamie and Matt being the only drinkers among us came up with a plan. The plan being, let’s send Glenn and John up to get their samples, and we’ll drink them! So, John and I head up to the bar, got our 7, 3oz. glasses and bring them back to the table for Jamie and Matt. So there the four of us sat at a little beer garden table, with Matt and Jamie with two trays of 14 drinks each. It was quite comical.

After we left the brewery, we decided to get something to eat. We left Golden and headed back to Denver and found a mall. We were walking around the mall, checking out the stores. For being a mall in Denver, it really wasn’t that impressive. The malls back home in Fort Wayne, Dayton, hell even in Lima were better than this place. We headed for the food court and found a local pizza place. We pooled our money and bought a pie. Let me tell you something, as unimpressive as that mall was the pizza MORE THAN made up for it! It was one of the best pizzas I’ve ever had. We were saying we’re going to have to remember this place, and stop back if we’re ever in town again. Little did I know that good pizza would be a topic of this trip again down the road.

We get back to the bar and we head to the door, when Jamie tells us he’ll be back in a minute. He disappeared around the corner for a few minutes, and reemerges with a big smile on his face. We asked him what was up, and he informed us he headed back to the bands bus, talked to Jason, told him about our trip, Jason was impressed and told his brother (and Saigon Kick’s tour manager) to put us on the guest list. That was seriously cool. We’d get to see the show for free. Like the pizza, this would be a topic again down the road.

We go into the bar and find a table and sit down. John slowly drifts off to sleep while sitting at the table. Meanwhile, Jamie seen one of the guys from the band Moonwater who were opening for SK on this tour. He went up and started talking to him. Reminding him who he and we were. Jamie came back to our table, after talking to the guy from Moonwater for about 20 minutes, and tells me he was going out to the car to get the video camera, cause he got permission to videotape Moonwater’s set. He goes out and gets the camera, and the two of us take it upstairs to the bar’s upper level and set it up to tape the show.

Moonwater finished their set, (Jamie still has the tape) and we headed back downstairs for Saigon Kick. We walked right up to the stage, as there really wasn’t a full house that night. The show rocked balls! We felt bad for Pete though. During most of the show, Pete was standing off to the side of the stage, behind the P.A. speakers, throwing up into a bucket. We asked a couple days later what was wrong. They thought it was either a 24-hour stomach virus, or something he ate, that just sat wrong. But I have to give SERIOUS props to Pete for playing the whole show. Soon after, the band got to the song Russian Girl, and halfway through the song, and during a break, Jason started telling a little story. It was a story about how people in America and people in Russia were not that different at all. How we all want the same things in life, like a home, and a good job. Well, I remembered this speech from when we saw them in Columbus, and before he could say ‘A nice piece of ass’, I said it for him. He shot a look down at me, like I gave away the ending to a mystery movie or book he’d been waiting years to see or read, and I just ruined it for him. I felt so bad about that. To this day, I still feel guilty for it. I apologized to him later about that, telling him how bad I felt. He told me not to worry about it, that he should change up the material every once in a while for people who see more than one show. He made me feel a little better, but still… (I‘m sorry Jason) A few more songs later, the band did their biggest hit, `Love Is On The Way`. Now I don’t know if everybody knows this, but the band isn’t the biggest fan of that song. But they had never played there before, so they felt kind of obligated to play the song, cause that’s how most people came to hear about, and know the band. In the middle of the song, we glance over at Phil who looks at Chris and mouths the words "I love you". Well, Chris lost it and started laughing his ass off. Jamie, Matt and I followed suit and lost it. I don’t think anyone else caught it, cause the three of us, and Chris were the only ones in the bar laughing. During the encore, before they started their next song, I hollered at Phil to throw me a stick. He reached down and picked up a broken one (a trick I picked up from him. Save your broken sticks and hand them out when people want one. Can’t afford to be giving out brand new sticks. Thanks Phil), and tossed it to me. Well, I missed and didn’t catch it. The stick went bouncing and sliding across the floor, and landed at the feet of John, who suddenly woke up as the stick hit him on the foot. I walked over to the table, as John reached down, picked the stick up and handed it to me. (Thanks John) I went back to my spot, and Phil just smiled and gave me thumbs up.

After the show ended we hung around, hoping to hang out with the band some more. All the while there was a girl on stage, sort of doing road crew work, like wrapping up cords, and tearing down microphone stands. All the while the guys and I were debating if it was the girl from the picture on the inside of the insert of Saigon Kick’s `Water` CD. After about 10 or 15 minutes or arguing about this, Matt took the insert, and walked over to her, (with the rest of us following) and outright asked her if it was her. She smiled at us, but also looked at us like we were crazy. She said it wasn’t her, but I still say it was. We later found out she shaved the sides of Phil’s head that day, and also…uhm…’somewhere else’, if you get my meaning.

The band didn’t come back into the bar after their set, so we figured they were out back, by the bus. So, we went out to try and catch them there. We found out who the die-hard fans were REAL QUICK when we did that. The bank clock across the street from the bar showed a temperature of –9! I don’t know why we were surprised it was that cold. I mean, we were IN COLORADO IN DECEMBER!! We went back to the car to get our heavier jackets, and Jamie once again grabbed his video camera. I asked him what that was for, he answered, "I’m going to get something better than a autograph." We got back to the bus (John stayed in the car, warmed it up, and caught a few more winks before we had to get back on the road), and stood there for about 25 minutes, before the bus door opened, and a lone figure stepped out. It was Jason. We let the few other fans go first to get their autographs and take their pictures. That way we could get more time with him ourselves. I got my stuff signed, (I brought a bunch of stuff so I could get something signed each time we seen them) and Jamie handed me the camcorder and asked me to shoot some footage. Jamie got his stuff signed while I videotaped them, and he asked Jason what he thought of us following them across the country. He looked at the camera and said; "I think you guys are all f**king nuts. You’re all out of your minds! That’s what I think." We all lost it. He was getting ready to get back on the bus, when he asked if we were coming to Salt Lake City. We told him no, we were heading to La$ Vega$, but we’d see him in L.A. in a few nights. He then told us he’d rather go to Vega$ too! We didn’t tell him what Phil said about Jason’s gambling. We said ‘see you in a few days’. He asked us to be safe and told us to take care, and went our separate ways.

We left the bar and headed for a local convenient store/gas station to fuel up both ways. We gassed up the car, and went inside to use the bathroom and get our food for the next leg of the trip. John and I got our food and pop, paid for them, stepped away from the counter and stood by the door so we’d be out of everybody’s way. As we did there was a constant dinging sound going on. We thought it was something to do with people outside getting gas. After about three or four minutes of this, the man behind the counter spoke up and asked John and I to step away from the door. There was a censor that made a beeping sound whenever anyone was in the doorway, to alert anyone working there that someone had come in. We laughed and apologized and stepped back into the aisle next to the door. Matt and Jamie paid for their stuff and we were off for Vega$!

Part 2.

Driving through Colorado was incredible! We were high up in the mountains at night, with a full moon and a blanket of fresh snow covering the valleys below. I can’t even begin to describe how beautiful it was. Especially when we were looking down on Veil. It was like looking down on a real life Christmas village. It was also a little intimidating. The roads were only two lanes, and there were no shoulders. So, it was right lane, left lane, a sheer drop off the side of a mountain, A HIGH MOUNTAIN! It also didn’t help that we seemed to come upon a convoy of semis. Let’s just say, there wasn’t a whole lot of passing going on in the Rockies! Then there were the tunnels through the mountains. I’m sure not many people think about how much rock and earth are above them while driving through, but I’m one of those people who do. I mean it was cool, and quick, but I just couldn’t help but looking up at the top of the tunnel and thinking…what if? About a hour out of Veil, I kind of dozed off, and was drifting in and out of consciousness, when I hear John and Jamie freaking out in the front seat. I woke up to find we nearly hit something. Nobody knows what it was, but I guess it was BIG! They were calling it a MooseDeerElk. They had to combine them, cause it was just too big to be one. After everything settled back down after our run in with the abominable snow beast, I once again fell back into your standard riding in the back of a car for days type sleep.

I woke up in Utah as we were pulling into a Denny’s parking lot. I HATE Denny’s! I don’t even know if hate is a strong enough word. The guys had breakfast, I just had a glass of orange juice. After that we piled back into the car and headed down the highway to Nevada. As incredible as the scenery in the mountains was, it couldn’t compete with the desert. The mesas, the cacti, the colors. GOD, it was incredible. I love it in the desert so much. It seems the horizon and the sky are one, and they just go on forever. It’s all just so unbelievable. A couple hours out of Utah, and into Nevada we had to stop for gas. We pulled into a fill up station and all got out. We were all still wearing our Denver clothes. We grabbed our bags out of the trunk and each headed into the station one at a time to change into some more appropriate environmentally friendly clothes. So, imagine if you will, you were the cashier in this small Nevada convenient store, and one at a time guys in heavy winter coats, sweatshirts, t-shirts over the sweatshirts, and jeans going into the bathroom and coming out in shorts and tank tops. The look on her face will forever be etched into my mind. Her jaw slightly dropped, her eyes bugged just a bit and silently following us in and out of the bathroom. It was almost as priceless as the trip.

A couple hours later, with Twisted Sister blaring on John’s CD player, we pulled into La$ Vega$! I could feel the hair on my arms stand up on end. The city truly is alive, and has a heart beat all it’s own, and you can feel it from the city limits. Incredible isn’t a strong enough word to describe how I was feeling as we drove through town. I was pissing everyone off trying to look out of every window in the car at one time. We pulled into Motel 6’s parking lot and waited as John went in to get a room for us. I still remember it cost us $11 a piece for the night. I was the first one to pony up the dough. I was so beyond bliss it wasn’t funny. We took all of our luggage into the room and got our showers and washed the first leg of the trip off. After my shower, I sat down on the bed and called mom and dad to let them know everything was ok, and we were all safe and sound. I asked dad how the weather was and he said it was hovering between the twenties and negative temperatures. I told him I could see a display thermometer across the street and it read 85 degrees. I had some serious fun rubbing that one in. He told me to laugh it up, and that I’d be home in a few days and I’d have to pay for it then. I let him know I liked it so much there, I might not come home. We both had a good laugh and said our see you laters, and the guys and I headed out to conquer La$ Vega$! We started our little tour of Sin City at the MGM Grand, and we walked the entire strip, up and back! I was worse than a kid in a candy store with a unlimited platinum credit card and his parents approval on any purchase! I was snagging anything I could that was free. I had a bag full of slot buckets, coffee mugs, the smut they hand out on the street for escort services, you name it, I probably had it in my bag. I was also making a point out of playing at least one slot machine in every casino we stopped in. We stopped in Silver City, (a western/cowboy themed casino which is no longer open, and one I truly miss) and I started playing a video poker machine. While I was playing, Matt and Jamie started playing slots, and a hostess asked if we wanted cocktails. I said no, but Jamie and Matt each ordered a beer, thinking they’d only be getting small beers. The hostess came back a short time later with two full sized bottles of Budweiser. We stayed there a little while and for a couple more beers, till I reminded the guys there was a whole lot more of the strip left to see. We got back to our hotel room in the wee hours of the morning. My ass was dragging along with the bag I was carrying. The guys decided they were hungry and were going to go on a food run to McDonalds. They asked if I wanted to go. I had to decline, I was so whipped by the excursion. It took all the strength I had to get to the bed and lay down. Jamie said they’d be back in a little bit. That’s the last thing I remember till being woke up the next morning. I came out of a dead sleep, got up, took a shower, and climbed back into the back of John’s car. As we were leaving the city, John turned the radio on and we listenedd to Howard Stern as we left town. I became a Stern fan that day. Leaving La$ Vega$ was VERY bittersweet. I hated going, but I knew I’d be back someday, and we were on to Los Angeles next (Another place I always wanted to visit!).

A little while later we were cruising down the Hollywood freeway. You want to talk scary? I’ve never seen anything like the driving on that road! They don’t drive that fast on the Nascar circuit. The cars were passing us like we were sitting still. It was very nerve-racking, and very intimidating. I’m just glad I wasn’t driving.

We arrived in L.A. and I was looking out the windows at all the sites I’ve become familiar with on Television over the course of my life; the Sunset Strip, the Hollywood Bowl, Hollywood Blvd., the Hollywood sign, everything that is iconic. And I noticed everything was no where near close to one another. Everything is so spread out, out there. When you see this stuff on Television it all looks like it’s in one area. That is SO not the case. Miles and miles separate these places. Something else they don’t show on Television, is how dirty L.A. is. As we were driving through town, my fantasies of how I thought Hollywood was were crumbling before my eyes. I pictured a clean, glamorous city, with stars just walking about everywhere. Nope, that’s not how things are. I was so let down. Everything that I thought I knew was just a façade. Ah well, I digress. We arrived and left John’s car with the valet, (something I’d only seen on Television), checked into our room at the Roosevelt Hotel on Hollywood Blvd, and got ready to go out for the next show on the Saigon Kick stalking tour. Our room was huge! It had two king-sized beds, a full table and chairs, a giant dresser, a mini-bar, a monster bathroom, a incredible view of Hollywood Blvd, and a hallway. I’ve never seen a hotel room that has a hallway. Something else I’ve never seen in a hotel room was earthquake survival literature. That was a little frightening to say the least. After we got settled in, and cleaned up, we walked down to GIT, where Jamie went to school. It was pretty cool. The things I remembered most about it was the hallways were WAY TOO narrow, and it was WAY TOO hot, even for me! We met Danny Gill, who use to play guitar in a 80s/90s glam band called Hurricane Alice, and is a instructor at GIT. He was a nice guy. After a introduction and some small talk, he had to go. He asked if we were going to the Saigon Kick show. We told him yes, and that we’d see him there.

We went back to The Roosevelt, got John’s car from the valet, and headed for the concert. The show was happening at the world famous Troubadour.

The thing about that place is, you hear about it, and it gets all built up, and when you get there it’s no bigger than any of the clubs, and I mean ANY OF THE CLUBS back home. Actually I think, Piere’s is three or four times bigger than the Troub., yet another let down. Jamie found Aaron and tried to work the guest list magic. Unfortunately for us, at this particular show, Saigon Kick was the opening band (They opened for Love/Hate). That means guest list listings were minimal, and we just couldn’t be put on this time. The show was incredible as always. Saigon Kick was in the middle of their set, and they started doing ‘On And On’ and I was singing along. I was also standing in the front row right in front of Chris while he was singing. They got to the chorus of the song, and I screwed up and sang the wrong line. Now on any other occasion that wouldn’t have been a big deal, but this wasn’t any other time. It appears that when I sang the wrong line Chris followed me, and sang the wrong line right along with me. Let’s recap, shall we? Back in Golden, I said a line that Jason says during his speech before he could, and now I screwed up Chris while singing a song. I’m two for two now. The show was great, even though it was cut short since they were opening instead of headlining. Love/Hate kicked ass too. It was a great show all around. Again we hung out after the show, and watched the crew tear down the gear. During the tear down we watched this monster guy pick up two HUGE cabinets, put one under each arm and walk out the back door with them. We all just watched in silent awe. Before we headed out to talk to SK, we caught up to Danny Gill and a friend of his again. He seemed to be in a very uhm…`relaxed` state. I asked Danny to sign a autograph for me. He goes, "Awe, dude, you don’t want my autograph." I said, "Yes I do." Danny’s friend must have thought he was going to be cool and came up with the idea that, if I knew what band Danny played in he would sign the autograph for me. Well, that’s what you get for underestimating me. I am a HUGE glam/hair/pop metal fan. So, before he could blink I said Hurricane Alice. The guys face dropped, and Danny started laughing, and signed the autograph for me. (Thanks Danny)

We went outside and hung out by the bands bus, waiting for the guys to come out. While waiting, Moonwater (The guys who were opening for Saigon Kick) showed up. We were talking to them for a while, and the drummer asked where we were staying. We told him we were staying at the Roosevelt on Hollywood Blvd. We then in turn asked where they were staying. They said some little hotel off of Hollywood Blvd. We also found out that the bands drummer Jeremy wasn’t old enough to go out with the rest of his band that was heading out to party. He asked if we could give him a ride back to his hotel when we were ready to go since we were heading back that way anyway. We told him sure, no problem. He must have found someone else to give him a ride though, cause we didn’t see him again that night. We also met Doug Aldrich, who’s a famous guitarist. He was a really nice guy. He signed a autograph, and talked for about ten minutes. Finally, Chris, Pete, and Phil came out of the bus. (Jason didn’t come out for some reason this time.) Like with Jason in Golden, I apologized to Chris for what happened during `On And On`. He laughed and told me not to worry about it, he thought it was pretty funny. I still feel bad. (I’m sorry Chris) We then moved on to talk to Pete. We asked him how he was feeling after Golden. He said he was feeling 110% better, and felt like a brand new person, and he thanked us for asking. We found Phil and started talking to him, and he asked us how Vega$ was. We told him we had a great time. It was cool how the guys remembered us. We got yet more autographs, and were getting ready to say our good-byes for a couple days. As the guys were getting on the bus, Jamie asked Phil if it would be cool if we got some kazoos, if we could do the solo for Saigon Kick’s song `My Life` (On the CD the solo is done with kazoos). Phil said he’d talk to the guys and they’d let us know before the next show. We thanked him, and said ‘see you in a couple days’ and headed back to our hotel.

Part 3.

We headed back to our hotel room, and got ready to crash for the night. I fell asleep right away. Next thing I know Matt and Jamie are waking John and me up telling us the Goo Goo Dolls were down stairs checking in. We took off back down stairs (minus John who chose to stay behind and sleep. Can’t say as I blame him knowing how much sleep he got on the trip thus far) to try to catch them before they went to their room. We caught up to Johnny and Robby while their drummer George was checking them in. We started talking to them, and they asked if we were Faith No More’s road crew (I guess they were staying in the hotel too). We told them no, we were following Saigon Kick across country. They thought that was pretty cool and asked where they played, we told them the Troubadour, and asked where the Doll’s were playing. It was either the L.A. Forum or the Universal Studios Amphitheater. George came up and gave Johnny and Robby their room keys, and the guys stepped into the elevator and headed upstairs. It was pretty cool, but I still regret not asking for some autographs.

We went back up stairs ourselves and I went back to bed. Jamie and Matthew weren’t ready for that yet. They headed up to the roof of the hotel and also out by the pool where the HBO movie Norma Jean & Marylin was being shot. John and I heard all about that the next day.

We had the next day to ourselves to do the tourist thing and check out L.A.. Jamie was playing tour guide since he lived there for a year and knew his way around. We headed up and down Hollywood Blvd., and checked out a bunch of different stores, and of course the Hollywood walk of fame. That was pretty cool. While walking down Hollywood Blvd., we heard someone running up behind us very quickly. We turned around to see a guy running up with a radio/cassette player. He asked; "Hey, you guys want to buy this? I’ll sell it to you for $10.00." We told him no thanks, we weren’t interested. He replied; "Come on, AM/FM/ cassette, you can’t beat it." I looked over to the corner and informed the guy that there were two cops standing right there. The guy looked at the cops, then to the radio, then looked back at us and said; "Hey, you’re right…OK…$5.00." We again told him no thanks and he went on his merry way. We then checked out Mann’s Chinese Theatre, where all the stars put their hand and foot prints in cement. That also was pretty cool. A couple hours into our expedition we stopped at Grecco’s Pizza for lunch. Jamie informed us he use to eat there all the time. We were going to order individual slices, but Jamie suggested we chip in and order one large pie. We didn’t think that was going to be enough to feed the four of us. (You have absolutely no clue how much food, junk or otherwise, the four of us put away during the course of that trip…It would boggle your mind to no end.) Jamie assured us that one pie would be plenty enough for all of us. We ordered the pie and sat down waiting while it was prepared. A little while later, they called us and we went up to get our pizza. This pizza was so big it took three of us to get it back to the table. I’d only seen pizza’s this big in movies and on TV, and only for a humorous effect. This was the real deal. It was also extremely delicious. We also couldn’t finish it, it was so big.

After we left Grecco’s, we headed down to this magic and costume store. It was really cool in there. They had some of the coolest costumes and masks I had ever seen. They also had other stuff there like you’d find at Spencer’s. That made us ask the woman behind the counter if they had kazoos there. The woman went over behind the other counter and pulled out an entire box of them. SCORE! We were set for the next show. I got a red and yellow one. I still have it too. Monkey Stomp use to do the ‘My Life’ song, and I’d use that kazoo for the solo.

We spent the rest of the day visiting stores, (Guitar Center, Tower Records, Video Warehouse, Golden Apple Comics) and catching up with some old friends. Jamie introduced us to one of his old roommates from when he lived in Cali. We also caught up with a friend of ours (Kelly Charles) who managed a porno video store out there. That was an experience. One of the girls who worked there had her hair buzzed and painted like a ladybug. When we arrived at the video store it was clear as a bell outside, when we walked out the door to leave, a fog had settled, and it was SO THICK you couldn’t see three feet in front of you. And people were still driving like the weather was ideal. It was totally insane. California drivers should be institutionalized!

After all the visiting we were once again hungry. So with a little prodding from me, we decided to stop at Burger King for dinner. (John pulled Jamie aside at one point during this trip and asked; "As much as we’ve eaten at Burger King, shouldn’t Glenn be getting sick of it by now?" He didn’t know me very well) We pulled into the drive-thru and John, Jamie and I all ordered Whopper value meals, and Matt just wanted a plain hamburger with ketchup. This is where it gets good! Let’s pick up the conversation, already in progress…Shall we?

John: Yeah, I’ll have three Whopper value meals with Cokes and a plain hamburger with ketchup.

Drive-thru guy: OK, that’s three Whopper value meals with Cokes. Please pull around to the first window.

John: No, I said three Whopper value meals with Cokes, and a plain hamburger with ketchup.

Drive-thru guy: Oh, I’m sorry. Three Whopper value meals with Cokes, and three plain hamburgers with ketchup.

John: No! Three Whopper value meals with Cokes, AND ONE PLAIN HAMBURGER WITH KETCHUP!

Drive-thru guy: So that’s three plain hamburgers with ketchup?

John: OH MY GOD, NO! (To us in the car…) Can you believe this? (Back to the drive-thru guy) All I want is three Whopper value meals, and ONE, JUST ONE plain hamburger with ketchup!

Drive-thru guy: OK, OK, you want one plane hamburger with ketchup. Will there be anything else with this order?

John: You know what? Just give me the three Whopper value meals with the Cokes. (To us in the car…) F**k this man. Matt, we’ll get your burger someplace else.

You know, I’d been in that car with John for a good five days at this point, and not once in that time did I hear him utter one single solitary profanity. (Not even a hell or a damn) And hanging out with the three of us, who can curse a blue streak, and not join in is amazing. I watched a Burger King drive-thru employee push this kind, soft-spoken man to the brink of nuclear melt down. It was interesting to say the least. So, we get our three Whopper value meals and head off to another fast food establishment in search of the elusive plain hamburger with ketchup for our college Matthew. We arrive at a (I think) In And Out Burger, and Matt walks up to get his sandwich. While he was ordering a couple people came up to the car, tap on the window and asked if we would be interested in purchasing some incense. We declined, informing him our cash flow was rather budgeted and we couldn’t afford it. BUT, the gentleman standing at the order window had enough money, and he would be interested in purchasing their wears. They thanked us and departed. As Matt made his way back to the car after finally getting the burger he so desperately desired, he was confronted by not only the two peddlers who approached us, but it seems upon hearing Matthew had money, their numbers tripled. All we heard on Matt’s return trip to the car was; "No, I don’t have any money. Seriously. I don’t care what those guys said. No I don’t want any incense. I’m sorry, no!" The amount and level of laughter heard upon him returning to his seat in the car is now legendary and has rarely been heard since.

The next day we woke up and got ready for the last Saigon Kick show of the trip. But before we left we hooked up with a guy Jamie knew from GIT (I think he knew him from GIT anyway…either that or we picked up a stranger), and we did a bit more shopping. We found this cool galleria (That’s west coast speak for mall), and we checked out some stuff there. John dropped some serious coin at the Hard Rock Café. As we were leaving Jamie decided to ride with his friend and John, Matt, and I rode together. As we were leaving the parking garage, we got separated from each other, which was really bad because the three of us had no idea how to get to the next gig. John pulled over around the corner from the mall, and Matt and I got out and stood there on the corner, hoping and praying Jamie and his bud would realize they had lost us and turn around and come back. After what seemed like an hour, but in reality was probably only ten minutes Jamie’s friend’s truck showed back up. We decided it would probably be best if Jamie rode with us, and we were on our way to Ventura, California.

We got to Ventura, found the theatre, and of course once again wrangled our way onto the guest list. We also informed the band we had our kazoos and had been rehearsing the solo the whole way from L.A. to Ventura, and we were ready to do the solo for `My Life`, if they so chose to let us.

After a SUCCESSFUL trip to Burger King for dinner, we made our way back and into the theatre and grabbed a table on the level before the floor to watch the opening bands. (There were three that night, and oddly enough, none of them were Moonwater. They seemed to have mysteriously vanished from the tour.) While sitting there and cracking jokes on everything (including one another), a security guard came up and rudely informed us we had to move. We looked at each other all confused, and asked him why? He went on to inform us in this tough guy, I’m going to kick your ass if you don’t do what I tell you kind of voice, that the section we were sitting at was for special guests only. We informed him that we were on the guest list. He asked our names, and we told him. He came back a few minutes later, humbly apologized, told us to enjoy the show, and scurried off leaving the five of us with superior, smug, smiles on our faces.

The opening bands were pretty cool. One of the bands was a cover band, and the other did all original stuff.

After the second opening band left the stage, we made our way down onto the floor and up to the front row. Saigon Kick came out and just tore the place down. It had to have been the best show of the tour. They rocked harder that night than any other we had seen so far.

They did their set and left the stage before coming back out for their encore. When they came back on, Jason got on the mic and told a little story. It went something like this. "We have some special friends in the audience tonight. They followed us all the way out here from Ohio. They asked us a couple nights ago at our show in L.A., if they got some kazoos, if we’d let them do the solo for `My Life`. Well, since they came all this way to see us, we’re going to let them!" We were screaming and cheering and yelling our heads off. The guys started the song and were cruising along. First verse, chorus, second verse, chorus, and here it came. Jason takes his mic off the stand, holds it in front of us, and we did the solo! It was awesome! You wouldn’t believe the smiles that were on our faces. They finished the song and people were cheering for them, and Jason instructed them to give it up for us too for the solo. People were clapping and high fiving us. It was just incredible.

After the show, we headed out to the bus to talk to the guys one last time. While we were waiting for them to come out, we were talking to some of the other fans hanging out. The main question was; "Are you guys really from Ohio?" and the main answer was; "No, we’re from Iowa, just kidding, we’re really from Ohio." We went through the whole story, and they thought it was pretty cool. The guys finally came out and we hung out with them some more.

While talking to Jason, we told him we were heading for home that night, so he told Aaron to go get those things they had for us. Aaron came back with four t-shirts. They handed one to Jamie, one to Matt, one to me, and one to Jamie’s friend. We thanked him endlessly. But we had to fix something. Jamie took the shirt from his friend and gave it to John. Sorry dude. You drove a hour to this show, we’ve been on the road for almost a week. He deserved it, you didn’t. Jason told us the shirts were for us for showing what great fans we were and were a way to thank us for the trip. He also informed us that the shirts they gave us weren’t on sale to the public. The ones they were selling at the merch-booth were black, and the ones we had were kind of a khaki green. They say SAIGON KICK on the front, and FYSMD on the back. (Think about it…you can probably figure out what FYSMD stands for) The guys were really cool, and kept thanking us for making the trip. We said our final ‘see you’s and they kept asking us to be safe and careful on our way home. We told them we would and we’d see them on the next tour. We also said goodbye to Jamie’s friend and started for home.

While driving down the highway, Jamie says to me; "Hey Glenn, remember you said you wanted to see the ocean on this trip?" Which I had. I’d seen the Atlantic ocean, now I wanted t see the Pacific. I told him, "Yeah." He then went on to inform me that if I looked out my window I could see the ocean. I looked and I could see some waves rolling onto the beach between some of the houses we were passing. It was cool. Dark, but cool.

We took a different route home, and went through some states we didn’t go through on the way out. Let me tell you people, you will never…let me repeat that…NEVER see more freaky stuff in the sky than you will in the middle of the night in the desert. We seen so many lights doing so many crazy things while driving through Arizona and New Mexico. Lights doing things NO HUMAN MADE AIRCRAFTS CAN DO!! Just plain freaky, spooky, and creepy. But it doesn’t change how I feel about the desert in the least. I will always love the desert.

We took the different way home so I could stop in Hugo, OK. so I could visit the grave of my grandfather, since I was too young to make the trip to attend his funeral when he passed. Again, the guys were totally cool in helping me out with this. We got to Hugo and looked for the cemetery. We found it pretty quick, but couldn’t find my grandfather’s stone. So, I thought, ‘Maybe my step-grandma still lives here in town.’ We got back into the car and were off in search for a pay phone. We found one at a gas station, but it didn’t work. We went to a bar, and found one, but it didn’t work. We found one in front of a store, but it didn’t work. So we went into the store and asked if all the phones in town were down. They said no, just some of them. I explained my situation to them, and asked if I could use their phone, and if they had a phone book. I looked for my step-grandma’s name, and sure enough, there it was. I called her, and informed her of who I was. If I said she was surprised, it would be the understatement of a lifetime. She informed me where the gravestone was, and we were off again for the cemetery. I found the grave right away, along with my uncle’s who is buried right next to him. It was right where my step-grandma said it would be, facing the dam my grandfather so loved to fish at. The guys left me alone for a little while to spend some time with my grandfather. While doing so, they found a group of markers from an entire family that was wiped out over like ten years. There were probably 15 or 20 of them, and they were just wiped out. It was crazy. During the phone call with my step-grandma she invited us to come over for a visit after we visited grandpa’s grave. We found her place with no problem, and went in for about an hour. She was really nice to us. We talked and got all caught up with the family, since she basically hadn’t been in touch with anyone since grandpa’s funeral. She asked for my address, telling me she had a bunch of pictures of my self with grandpa she wanted to send me. That was 1995, and I have yet to see those pictures.

We got back home around 6:30 AM the day after that. Tired, sore, and stinking, since we drove straight through on the way home. It was cold. It was snowing. It was so not the weather we wanted to return to. But there is one constant for every road trip…They all come to an end. And that’s exactly what happened.

This one came to an end.

I swear to GOD to my knowledge every single word of this story is true. (As far as I can remember since it’s been seven years.) I couldn’t make this stuff up. Yes truth is stranger than fiction, and on this trip, we sure lived through the stranger. I want to thank SAIGON KICK for their kindness to us, for the entertainment, and for giving us the inspiration to make this trip to begin with. I want to thank Jamie, John, and Matthew for making this trip one of the most memorable times in my life.

I’d thank my step-grandma, but she can kiss my butt, and she can keep kissing it till I get those damn pictures I was promised.

Thanks for reading this account. (I’d call it a story…but like I said…EVERY WORD IS TRUE!) I hope you enjoyed it…GOD knows I enjoyed living through it!