The Simpsons

The Simpsons!

Ah, the Simpsons, my extended family. I love these guys. Anyone who knows me knows that fact. People say I’m obsessed with them. I tell them I am not. Obsession isn’t a strong enough word.

I was hooked on the Simpsons the moment I first saw them on the Tracy Ullman show. There was just something about this yellow family with bug eyes, weird hair, and horrendous over-bites that struck a never-ending chord with me. I have every single episode of the Simpsons on videotape, and I’m also working on building my Simpsons DVD collection. I have every Simpsons clipping from TV Guide from their first episode till my subscription ran out many, many years later. I have a substantial Simpsons toy collection that will never be complete (as long as they keep putting new ones out). I have a vast array of Simpsons books, comics, and video games. You see where I’m going with this?

There has never (now or ever) been a show that has spoke to me like the Simpsons. It’s like Matt Groening (the Simpsons creator) created this show just for me. The Simpsons have the perfect mix of pop culture, music, religious, and everyday references, that keeps it as relevant now as it was the first day the show took to the airwaves.

My trip to Springfield. This is myself standing in front of the Simpson’s house, at 742 Evergreen Terrace. Actually this is Henderson Nevada, just outside of La$ Vega$, at a prize for a root-beer contest. They gave away a replica of the Simpson’s house, and before that it was a tourist attraction. This was very cool…but also very surreal.

Cast members & characters…

Dan Castellaneta: Homer J. Simpson, Abraham (Grandpa) J. Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty The Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, Mayor ‘Diamond Joe’ Joseph Quimby, Hans Moleman, Sideshow Mel, Arnie Pie, Scott Christian, Bill (From Bill & Marty), Capt. Lance Murdock, Gary, Freddy Quimby, Leopold, Luigi, Santa’s Little Helper, Itchy, Kodos, Human Fly, Poochie, Laddie, Pimply Faced Teen

Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, Selma Bouvier, Jacqueline Bouvier, Great Aunt Gladys

Nancy Cartwright: Bartholomew J. Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Todd Flanders, Ralph Wiggum, Kearney, Database, Jimmy (From all of Troy McClure’s educational movies)

Yeardley Smith: Lisa Marie Simpson

Harry Shearer: Charles Montgomery Burns, Waylon Smithers, Ned Flanders, Principal Seymore Skinner, Otto, Reverend Timothy Lovejoy, Dr. Julius Hibbert, Kent Brockman, Jasper, Lenny, Officer Eddie, Rainier Wolfcastle/McBain, Scratchy, Mr. Bouvier, Kang, Dr. Marvin Monroe, Herman, Marty (From Bill & Marty), Dave Shutton Jebadiah Springfield, Dr. J. Loren Pryor, Smilin’ Joe Fission, Birch Barlow

Hank Azaria: Professor John Frink, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Syzslak, Officer Lou, Carl Carlson, Dr. Nick Riviera, Snake, Kirk Van Houten, Sea Captain McCallister, Bumblebee Man, Superintendent Chalmers, Cletus The Slacked Jawed Yokel, Legs, Akira, Drederick Tatum, Bob Arnold, Fritz, Vet, Gabbo, Doug, Don Vittorio, Frank Grimes

Pamela Hayden: Milhouse Van Houten, Rod Flanders, Janey Powell, Jimbo Jones, Ham, Fake Lisa

Maggie Roswell: Maude Flanders, Helen Lovejoy, Miss Elizabeth Hoover, Luanne Van Houten, Princess Kashmir/Shauna Tiffton, Mary Bailey, Shary Bobbins

Tress Macneille: Dolph, Agnes Skinner, Sunday School Teacher, Brandine, Nana Van Houten,

Marcia Wallace: Edna Krabappel

Phil Hartman: Troy McClure, Lionel Hutz R.I.P. and GOD bless

Bellow are my favorite Simpsons quotes…

Homer:

D’oh!

Sorry don’t put thumbs on the hand Marge! …After Marge cuts his thumb off while reaching for a brownie.

I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping it’s speed over fifty, and if it’s speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called ‘The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down’.

Marge, you’re as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

If you want something in this life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.

I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.

Television – teacher, mother, secret lover!

Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half assed. That’s the American way.

Maybe for once, someone will call me ‘sir’ without adding, ‘You’re making a scene’.

Barney:

Burrrrpppp!

All I remember about the last two months is giving a guest lecture at Villanova. Or maybe it was a street corner.

The engine room has sprung a leak! It’s filling up with a clear, nonalcoholic liquid!

D’oh! Woo-Hoo! Uhm, that boy ain’t right?…Posing as Homer, putting drinks on Homer’s tab.

AARRGGGHHH….Natural light! Get it off me! GET IT OFF ME!

Uh oh, my heart stopped. Oh, there it goes.

Troy McClure:

Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such cartoons as ‘Christmas Ape’ and ‘Christmas Ape Goes To Summer Camp’.

Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from ‘The Greatest Story Ever Hula-ed’ and ‘They Came To Burgle Carnegie Hall’.

Hello, Selma Bouvier? It’s Troy McClure. You may remember me from such dates as last night’s dinner!

Hello, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such show business funerals as ‘Andre The Giant, We Hardly Knew Ye’ and ‘Shemp Howard: Today We Mourn A Stooge’.

Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such public-service videos as ‘Designated Drivers: The Life-Saving Nerds’ and ‘Phony Tornado Alarms Reduce Readiness’. I’m here today to give you the skinny on shoplifting, thereby completing my plea bargain with the good people at ‘Foot Locker of Beverly Hills’.

Hello, I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such Fox network specials as ‘Alien Nose Job’ and ‘Five Fabulous Weeks of ‘The Chevy Chase Show’’. Tonight we’re here to honor America’s favorite non-prehistoric cartoon family.

Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such educational films as ‘Two Minus Two Equals Negative Fun’ and ‘Firecrackers: The Silent Killer’.

Hello, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such films as ‘The Boatjacking Of Super-Ship ‘79’ and ‘Hydro: The Man With The Hydraulic Arms’.

Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such telethons as ‘Out With Gout ‘88’ and ‘Let’s Save Tony Orlando’s House’.

Oh, hi. I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such self-help videos as ‘Smoke Yourself Thin’, and ‘Get Confident Stupid’. Well, now I’m here to tell you about the only real path to mental health. That’s right, it’s the…Brad Goodman…something or other.

Hello everybody. I’m Troy McClure, star of such films as ‘P is For Psycho’, and ‘The President’s Neck Is Missing’. But now I’m here to tell you about a remarkable new invention.

Hi! I’m actor Troy McClure. You might remember me from such Driver’s Ed films as ‘Alice’s Adventure Through The Windshield Glass’, and ‘The Decapitation Of Larry Leadfoot’.

Live from Hawaii’s beautiful Molokai Island: we’re not just for lepers anymore! It’s ‘Carnival of the Stars!’ I’m your host Troy McClure! You may remember me from such films as ‘The Erotic Adventures Of Hercules’ and ‘Dial M For Murderousness’. Tonight we’ll see Angela Lansbury walk on hot coals! Excitement She Wrote!

Hello, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such instructional videos as ‘Mothballing Your Battleship’ and Dig Your Own Grave And Save!’.

Live from beautiful Laughlin Nevada: It’s the Miss American Girl Pageant! Brought to you by Meryl Streep’s ‘Versatility’. Smell Like Streep…For Cheap

Hello, I’m actor Troy McClure. You kids might remember me from educational films as ‘Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly’ and ‘Here Comes The Metric System’.

I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such films as ‘Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die’, and ‘Gladys The Groovy Mule’. But today you’ll see me in my greatest role – your video guide to Rancho Relaxo!

I’m actor Troy McClure. You might remember me from such TV series as ‘Buck Henderson, Union Buster’ and Troy And Company’s Summertime Smile Factory’.

I’m Troy McClure. You probably remember me from such films as ‘The Revenge Of Abe Lincoln’ and ‘The Wackiest Covered Wagon In The West’.

As an actor, my eyeballs need to look their whitest.

Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such nature films as ‘Earwigs – Eeeew!’ and ‘Man Vs. Nature: The Road To Victory’.

Hi, I’m Troy McClure! You may remember me from such medical films as ‘Alice Doesn’t Live Anymore’ and "Mommy, What’s Wrong With That Man’s Face?’.

Comic Book Guy:

Freakin’ kids!

Check it out. Spinal Tap kicking Mo-mar Kadaffy in the butt. The timeless classic, now two for a dollar.

Yes, this should supply adequate sustance for the ‘Dr. Who’ marathon. While rolling out a wheelbarrow full of 100 tacos from the Taco Mat.

No, I do not have a receipt. I won it as a door prize at the Star Trek convention, although I find their choice of prize highly ilogical, as the average trekker has no use for a medium size belt.

I must hurry back to my Comic Book Store where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them.

Worst episode EVER.

But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills! You’re from two different worlds! Speaking to the comic book he reads, and then he realizes he’s about to be struck by a neutron bomb. Oh, I’ve wasted my life.

Alec, Alec, Regarding that so-called ‘silent propulsion system’ in ‘The Hunt For Red October’: I printed out a list of technical errors which I think you’d enjoy discussing.

Tell me, how do you feel about forty-five-year-old virgins who still live with their parents.

The world has already taken note of our accomplishments. Springfield has moved up to number 299 on the list of America’s 300 most livable cities. Take that, east St. Louis!

Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you, this will mean much less breeding. For me, MUCH, MUCH MORE.